Her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little (Luke 7:47).

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This track is from Relevant Revolution.

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He believed that this righteousness was the gift of God. Verse 11: “The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God,I thank you that I am not like other men.’” He gives God the credit for making him upright and devout like he is. “I thank you that I am morally upright and religiously devout.” In other words, this man is not what theologians call a Pelagian—a person who believes he can make himself righteous without God’s help. . . .

The problem is not whether the man himself has produced the righteousness he has or whether God has produced it. The problem is: He trusts in it. This is his confidence. Verse 9: “[Jesus] also told this parable to some who trusted in themselvesthat they were righteous.” Now make sure you see what this is saying. It is not saying that he is trusting in himself to make himself righteous. No. He says explicitly he is thanking God for that. He is not trusting in himself to make himself righteous. He is trusting in himself that he is righteous with the righteousness that he believes God has worked in him. That is what he is trusting.

As far as we know, this Pharisee was a total advocate of the sovereignty of God. As far as we know, he would have said, “Not I but the grace of God in me has worked this righteousness.” He says, “I thank you, God, that I have this righteousness.” That was not his mistake. His mistake was that he trusted in this apparently God-produced righteousness for justification. . . .

He is not presented as a legalist—one who tries to earn his salvation. That is not the issue. One thing is the issue: This man was morally upright. He was religiously devout. He believed God had made him so. He gave thanks for it. And that is what he looked to and trusted in for his justifying righteousness before God—for his justification. And he was dead wrong to do so. . . .

Don’t trust what God has worked in you. Trust in Christ alone (John Piper, Did Jesus Preach the Gospel of Evangelicalism?).

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“What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went. And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him (Matthew 21:28-32).

In the mind of a first century Jew, prostitutes and tax collectors were the worst sinners in the world. They were the outcasts, the rodents of society. Things haven’t changed much in our time. Prostitution, in the minds of most, ranks among the greatest of disrespectable sins. But Jesus had some shocking words for the respected individuals of his time: “The tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you.” (more…)

I was working on my application for Bethlehem College & Seminary and in answering the conversion question was looking over some of the posts from my old blog.  The following comes from two posts, one I made on October 15, 2005 and the other on October 22.  What wonders God was doing in me during that time in my life!

• • •

I really don’t like being emo on this thing.  Every once in a while I’ll post something emo at night and wise up in the morning and delete it.  For one thing, this just isn’t the place.  But for another thing, I really just don’t like openning up anyway.

Because of that, I’m not going to ramble and blah blah and tell you what’s going on in this post because honestly I don’t want you to know.  And in fact, I really don’t know what’s going on myself.  Nothing major has happened in my life recently, no tragedies to speak of, but somehow God’s managed to take away my secular crutch anyway.  I’ve been leaning on myself for far too long.  Well, without my crutch, my thoughts have been seasoned with doubts and despair.  I’ve spent much more time in prayer and in the Word and on fundamental theology recently than I had been doing for the past few years.  I think part of it may be due to The City of God.  And part of it is due to a friend I feel God had to have put in my life who’s been relying on me for answers I do not have.  But that can’t be all of it.  It could be due to brain chemistry, but it doesn’t feel like it.  I just feel like I haven’t allowed God to do anything in my life for the past couple of years and now all the sudden he’s doing it whether I want him to or not.  That’s exactly how it feels, it’s like this was forced on me.  I find it very difficult to find happiness in God.  I know all of the theology well enough to know what I should, but I either can’t or just won’t, and probably it’s both.

Anyway, all of this is even more than I wanted to say.  Don’t call or ask.  I don’t want this to sound like I’m all gloomy these days.  There have been days in the past month when I’ve felt more alive than I have since junior high, and it’s been wonderful and undeserved.  But this is one of those times at the end of the joy when I swing the other way, into doubts and anxiety.  The point of this post is a request for prayer.  I want to want to have satisfaction in God, but I’m having such a hard time giving up my secular desires.  And that’s the weird thing.  It’s not that my secular desires aren’t being fulfilled.  On the contrary, I’m rarely as secularly happy.  For instance, I really want to be remembered after death, and I know I can accomplish enough in my life to receive praise for years to come.  I don’t doubt it at all.  It scares me to death that I want that so badly and am currently heading in that direction though.  Maybe that’s what’s been getting to me.  Augustine’s been showing me that no matter what we accomplish, we eventually die, so failure comes either in life or with death.  And we’ve been doing Ecclesiastes in church, and it’s all very similar.  And that’s not all of it but it’s probably a big part.  I know I can be “successful”, and I want success badly, but at the same time I know I’m not supposed to want that and that success won’t give God glory or bring me satisfaction, so I’m terrified.  Anyway, if you could, pray for Grace.

Thanks.

• • •

I listened to 4 sermons on Sunday, 2 sermons yesterday, and I’m about to listen to at least one more tonight. I’ve been reading from Matthew, Romans, and 1 John… as well as The City of God and various sites on apologetics, and I’ll probably read some Psalms in a while. I’ve been listening to Indelible Grace III and It’s Hard to Find a Friend, and The Only Reason I Feel Secure is in the mail. I’ve spent much more time in prayer recently and cleaned some of the hatred and fear out of my heart.

And.. it’s not getting me anywhere. For some reason I think I thought I could fill myself with theology, shut off my emotions, and live a productive and useful life. So when my emotions started coming back, half of me wanted to enjoy them, while the other half just wanted to do everything possible to shove them back into place, including falling to temptation and allowing fear and hatred into my heart.. and just plain becoming too busy to deal with them.

It’s insane because I know all the theology I should need to know to be okay. I know that God’s the only thing that’ll give me ultimate Joy and satisfaction. I know that worldly things will never fill me! But I can’t find a way to force myself to feel satisfied in God. The theology just isn’t doing it anymore. And I know that people suffer because this world sucks and we’ve fallen, and I used to be fine with that, but that knowledge isn’t enough anymore. And I know we find satisfaction and love by making much of God, but the much I’ve made hasn’t helped, and I don’t have the strength to do more.

And this is why I don’t think it’s working anymore. Everything I’ve been doing, although acts of the City of God in appearance, have all been worldly in motivation. I want to learn because I want to know. And I want to know so I can serve myself while in this life. And that scares me to death, but I can’t change it. I’ve tried, and I can’t. O, Grace of God! Irresistible, Indelible, Infinite, and Incomprehensible! I need it, and I long for it. For without it, I’m a sinful and loathful, self serving hypocrite.

The most bizarre thing about combining Calvinism and Christian Hedonism seems to be that I know what I should want, but it seems completely up to God as to whether I will want it. What is there I can do! Just beg for Mercy and Grace and hope it’ll come? Although I know I beg for selfish reasons! And I know I’ve received far more Mercy than I deserve.

Augustine says in this life we have hope of future salvation. So perhaps hope is as close as I can get to satisfaction for now. Probably so, but I’m impatient and want more than hope.

But the families which do not live by faith seek their peace in the earthly advantages of this life; while the families which live by faith look for those eternal blessings which are promised, and use as pilgrims such advantages of time and of earth as do not fascinate and divert them from God, but rather aid them to endure with greater ease, and to keep down the number of those burdens of the corruptible body which weigh upon the soul. Thus the things necessary for this mortal life are used by both kinds of men and families alike, but each has its own peculiar and widely different aim in using them. The earthly city, which does not live by faith, seeks an earthly peace, and the end it proposes, in the well-ordered concord of civic obedience and rule, is the combination of men’s wills to attain the things which are helpful to this life. The heavenly city, or rather the part of it which sojourns on earth and lives by faith, makes use of this peace only because it must, until this mortal condition which necessitates it shall pass away.
- Augustine

I’ll take something to believe, something with long sleeves, ’cause it’s unpredictable. Now, Jesus said he’d fill my needs, but my heart still bleeds, he’s just not physical
- Bazan

The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ are precious to me not because they turn my life into a string of successes but because they keep me from collapsing under my string of failures. . . .

I have good news for you, but it’s perhaps not the good news you thought it would be.  Your final healing is as far away as your resurrection from the dead.  However, your invincible joy of hope is as close as the risen Christ.

I’m at the Resolved Conference, and I’ve heard some really great preaching in the last few days.  But the best sermon I’ve heard since I’ve been here wasn’t preached here but is what I’ve been listening to in my hotel room at night.  This is the beginning of Derek Thomas’ series on Romans 8.  I’m really looking forward to the rest of the series!

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This is not about how useful we can become, or how successful our ministries appear to be.  It is about being conformed to the image of Christ.  Absolutely everything in our lives is directed towards our conformity.  God is not served by human hands as though he needed something from us.  He’s granted us the privilege to participate in a great work that he is doing.  But the great goal of God is not to make us successful servants.  The great goal of God is to make us conformed to the image of Jesus Christ (Paul Washer).

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